What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

What do you mean son?

Why is the left keep misrepresenting what Trump said about his daughter? When asked if he would date her if he weren’t her father, it simply reflected pride in raising a smart, respectful, and loving daughter with good morals all men want that no?

What! how could you do that?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

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What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

True - how I loved my mum!

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

How did Trump's ear recover 100% from the "two centimeter wound" we were told of two weeks ago?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

What was the worst spanking you got growing up?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Do you know what she said mum?

What do you do when you are struggling to fall asleep?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”